We need to talk

Don't panic! I'm not breaking up with you.

Those four little words never fail to stress me out. Do you get that feeling, too? I have been on both sides of that little phrase. Both sides are horrible. But the truth of the matter is that for any relationship to work, people need to communicate.

This concept is important for any relationship: parent and child, friends, a dating couple or a married couple. Basically if there is more than one person involved, communication is essential. Sure it can be awkward and uncomfortable, but the end result will be worth every bit of awkwardness.

The easy part: Talking. Talk about your feelings, what you're going through, what bothers you, what you love. Be honest, but do not be condescending. Your feelings are valid because you ARE feeling that way. Use "I" statements. "I feel like (blank) when you...." comes across better than "You make me mad or upset." Do you remember the different personalities? Because of this people view situations differently. What may bother you might not bother me.

The hard part: Listening. Actually listening to what the person is saying is the hardest job ever, especially because they might be trying to tell you something other than what they say with words. Confused yet? Sure, this other person may be able to tell you exactly what's going on, and why they're upset, but that's not always the case. "Listen" to their body language and facial expressions, you may hear a lot.

The thing that drives me crazy beyond belief is....... not knowing what's going on. One guy I dated was out of town for work A LOT. I was in school and took mostly evening classes. He was working nights at the time and sleeping during the day.
See a problem?
When I was available to talk; he wanted to sleep. When he had some time to talk; I was heading to class. Not a good combination. We made it work for a while, but soon when he came home for the weekend he would hang out with friends instead of making time to see me. Not good.
What the heck was going on?! Were we able to talk about it? NO. Grrrrr. Needless to say we broke up soon after this pattern arose. It was weeks before "the talk" took place though and it was horrible. I was too timid to say what was on my mind so I didn't initiate anything. He obviously kept putting it off too. So for at least a month we were both miserable. (I'm not sure if he was indeed miserable, since we didn't talk about it, but it makes me feel better thinking he was.)

Avoid being miserable!!! Talk it out. You may be surprised with the results.